Juvenile Justice Information Exchange (https://jjie.org/category/ideas-and-opinions/the-beat-within/page/6/)
The Beat Within, a publication of writing and art from incarcerated youth, was founded by David Inocencio in San Francisco in 1996. Weekly writing and conversation workshops are held in California, six other states and Washington, D.C. Submissions and new partners are welcomed. Write to him at dinocencio@thebeatwithin.org.
I was born on April 5, 1977 in Harbor City, California. I am 35 and I have been incarcerated since the age of 16. I was tried as an adult and sentenced to 15 years to life for second-degree murder and two attempted murders.
If only, if only I had continued to tell my friend no when he kept bugging me to drive to Stockton, the night that changed my life in so many different ways.
Let me start from the beginning. I was hanging out that Saturday afternoon with my friends. We went to the mall to buy the newest Jordans.
Because we have walked these streets abandoned, without a loved one as a compass to guide and point us in the right direction, we have lost our way as children.
The false belief that I had was that I was protecting my block, making sure no outsiders messed with my friends and family. But in reality all we do is lie, cheat and steal from each other and in most cases kill one another.
When I first joined my gang, I was 12. I believed that I wanted to be from my gang. Most of my family I grew up with was from the hood; it seems that I was destined to be too.
As I sit at the table to eat breakfast, I begin to feel a knot inside my stomach, anxiety, and I’m experiencing discomfort and a deep sense of sadness in my heart.
This place is like hell with ice water. You can learn many new things from being where you are now.
Lydia is 18. She is currently at Santa Clara County Juvenile Hall. Her charges could not be determined.
I spent years judging people based on the gang they belong to, and if they weren't on my side, they was in my way, and therefore an enemy on every level. That stupid, childish, immature way of thinking caused me to be kicked out of society.
I sacrificed my hardness because hard men can kill when they're angry,
and I have no argument for why a killer is ready to go home.